Flattening the Curl – COVID-19 Hair

The COVID-19 pandemic continues to be a tragedy for people all over the world. Even for those of us who have not fallen sick, it’s an awful, life-changing period in our lives.

There have been hundreds of articles highlighting all the unforeseen side effects of social and physical distancing. Adding insult to injury, for many of us the closure of hair salons and barbers has caused it to be a “bad hair day” every single day for weeks now.

In the spirit of the overwhelming number of visualizations related to flatting the curve, I present my own version of it: Flatting the Curl, which represents the impact of my hair length on curl over the years.

In-depth Analysis of my hair over the years shows a frightening new trend

As the chart so dramatically shows, based on my hair’s COVID-19-era performance (or, perhaps, “non-performance”), we are seeing a frightening trend that harkens back to the late ’70’s and early ’80’s, a time period when humanity collectively lost its mind regarding hair styles. Additionally, as you can see by the frightening-looking curved line (that required a lot of data manipulation to make it look like that), unless I manipulate the data more, the line will continue to look frightening into the future.

Because all good scientific reports should include the raw data upon which conclusions are painstakingly fabricated, I am including a series of snapshots for your own independent analysis, should you care to participate in the peer review process.

I have identified five distinct phases of hair/curl interactions, as follows:

Phase 1. Photos when my sole hair-based responsibility was to grow it. Others (my parents) were responsible for all grooming duties.

Length & Curl Phase 1: Parent-managed hair

Phase 2. Photos when I was responsible for combing my own hair, but trimming was still my father’s job. (Limited data available for this period.)

Length & Curl Phase 2: Dubious understanding of how combing works

Phase C. Photos that capture my ascendance to full hair care responsibilities, and, ultimately, the revelation that I shouldn’t part my hair (something my hair had vigorously opposed for years).

Length & Curl Phase C: Peak Length and Curl Attained

Phase IV. Adulthood photos, when I discovered the value of scheduled haircuts and hair gel. Note that the photo when I’m 50 (4th picture) doesn’t show that I’d dyed it blue. No worries if you couldn’t tell. No one else noticed at that time. Just as no one noticed when I dyed it blue to celebrate turning 40.

Length & Curl Phase IV: Equilibrium Attained

Phase 5. A few Covid-19-era photos showing a frightening trend. If unabated, by the time we get back home from Europe, you wouldn’t want to sit behind me at a movie theater. … if they ever open those up again.

Length and Curl Phase 5: All Hell Breaks Loose

A Collection, a Solution

If you’ve not been following this blog for a while, you may not know that I collect baseball caps. Not just any caps. Caps I’ve bought while visiting a US state or a different country. I didn’t start this collection until late in the game so I only have about 70 of 100+ caps that I could own. Fortunately, earlier this year we visited the tiny countries of Monaco and San Marino, so I have two caps to help get me through this hair crisis. (All stores were closed when we visited Andorra or I’d have three to chose from.)

However, it is important to wear the right kind of hat to contain my curls, as not just any hat will do.

All I can say is, “Oy!”

Let me end by saying that as crazy as my hair is making me, I’m in no rush to get it cut. I’m all for taking our time to get a handle on the COVID-19 pandemic. Though I am predicting some areas of the US will soon experience panic-buying of hair gel products. Or baseball caps.

So, what about you?

What’s your COVID-19 hair look like? Post a picture!


2 thoughts on “Flattening the Curl – COVID-19 Hair

  1. Finally, a chart I can understand! at very funny, thanks for the laugh . . . and the bravery. I used the dog trimmers to buzz my hair yesterday . . . and the dog died in 1976

    Like

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