Itinerant Philosopher

The COVID-19 pandemic continues to be a tragedy for people all over the world. Even for those of us who have not fallen sick, it’s an awful, life-changing period in our lives.

There have been hundreds of articles highlighting all the unforeseen side effects of social and physical distancing. Adding insult to injury, for many of us the closure of hair salons and barbers has caused it to be a “bad hair day” every single day for weeks now.

In the spirit of the overwhelming number of visualizations related to flatting the curve, I present my own version of it: Flatting the Curl, which represents the impact of my hair length on curl over the years.

As the chart so dramatically shows, based on my hair’s COVID-19-era performance (or, perhaps, “non-performance”), we are seeing a frightening trend that harkens back to the late ’70’s and early ’80’s, a time period when humanity collectively lost its mind regarding hair styles. Additionally, as you can see by the frightening-looking curved line (that required a lot of data manipulation to make it look like that), unless I manipulate the data more, the line will continue to look frightening into the future.

Because all good scientific reports should include the raw data upon which conclusions are painstakingly fabricated, I am including a series of snapshots for your own independent analysis, should you care to participate in the peer review process.

I have identified five distinct phases of hair/curl interactions, as follows:

Phase 1. Photos when my sole hair-based responsibility was to grow it. Others (my parents) were responsible for all grooming duties.

Phase 2. Photos when I was responsible for combing my own hair, but trimming was still my father’s job. (Limited data available for this period.)

Phase C. Photos that capture my ascendance to full hair care responsibilities, and, ultimately, the revelation that I shouldn’t part my hair (something my hair had vigorously opposed for years).

Phase IV. Adulthood photos, when I discovered the value of scheduled haircuts and hair gel. Note that the photo when I’m 50 (4th picture) doesn’t show that I’d dyed it blue. No worries if you couldn’t tell. No one else noticed at that time. Just as no one noticed when I dyed it blue to celebrate turning 40.

Phase 5. A few Covid-19-era photos showing a frightening trend. If unabated, by the time we get back home from Europe, you wouldn’t want to sit behind me at a movie theater. … if they ever open those up again.

A Collection, a Solution

If you’ve not been following this blog for a while, you may not know that I collect baseball caps. Not just any caps. Caps I’ve bought while visiting a US state or a different country. I didn’t start this collection until late in the game so I only have about 70 of 100+ caps that I could own. Fortunately, earlier this year we visited the tiny countries of Monaco and San Marino, so I have two caps to help get me through this hair crisis. (All stores were closed when we visited Andorra or I’d have three to chose from.)

However, it is important to wear the right kind of hat to contain my curls, as not just any hat will do.

Let me end by saying that as crazy as my hair is making me, I’m in no rush to get it cut. I’m all for taking our time to get a handle on the COVID-19 pandemic. Though I am predicting some areas of the US will soon experience panic-buying of hair gel products. Or baseball caps.

So, what about you?

What’s your COVID-19 hair look like? Post a picture!